Miserable at Best
by MaddMaxx
Summary: AU SasuNaru. Sasuke leaves for four years for his job, not sending any word to Naruto while he is away. What does he return to? Slight ItaDei.


**Disclaimer**: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and the song 'Miserable at Best' belongs to Mayday Parade. So, in short I own nothing!

**Warnings:** Well durr they're going to be OOC, it is **FAN**fiction. Plus, this is an AU songfic. Swearing, implied of age drinking and malexmale relationships! Don't like? It's simple! Don't read! As for the rest, please enjoy! Make sure to review too! ^^

**Lyrics;** _Thoughts;_ Story

* * *

><p><strong>Miserable at Best<strong>

Sasuke POV

**Baby don't cry I know  
>You're trying your hardest<br>And the hardest part is letting go  
>Of the nights we shared<br>Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting  
>But compared to your eyes<br>Nothing shines quite as bright  
>And when we look to the sky<br>It's not mine but I want it**

xFlashbackx

"Naruto, I won't be gone for long." (I had to leave.) "I'll be back, but I have to go." (Goodbye my love.)

"Why?" he cried.

"Because of my job, but I'll be back. I'm just crossing the ocean, I'll be in Japan," I sadly said.

"Promise me that you'll never forget me."

"Promise, I love you Naruto," I smiled.

"I love you too Sasuke," he smiled and hugged me.

"I have to go," he let me go and I headed for the door. "Bye."

"Bye," he waved.

xEndFlashbackx

Had I been smarter, I would've never left him. I would've never taken the job offer in Japan. That memory, it happened four years ago. I haven't seen my angel in four long years. The stars can never compare to the light in your eyes, but I hope that to the sky that in California you're looking back at me.

**So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight  
>(I know he's there and)<br>You're probably hanging out and making eyes  
>(While across the room he stares)<br>I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor  
>And ask my boy to dance, he'll say yes<strong>

I haven't been able to talk to Naruto, I'm too afraid, but I keep in touch with my older brother, Itachi. He told me that Naruto has a guy living with him now; I couldn't recall the name though. I guess I hope that you wouldn't move on, but I guess hoping wasn't enough. I can't believe that he would just forget about me like that. But I'm alright; I'll be coming home soon anyways.

"Sasuke-kun?" I'm interrupted in my thoughts.

"Oh…ah yes Sakura-san?" I turn around in my chair.

"You're all ready to go back home," she smiles.

"Thanks," I attempt to smile.

"Sasuke-kun, is there something bothering you?" she asks.

"I'm afraid," I pause.

"Is it Naruto-kun?" she asks.

"What…ah yes," I whisper.

"Don't worry, he's probably missing you as much as you miss him," she smiles.

"Yeah," I mumble. "Well I'll be leaving then, goodbye." I got up, grab my bags and head out the door.

"Goodbye," she bows and I'm out the door.

**Because these words were never easier for me to say  
>Or him to second guess<br>But I guess  
>That I can live without you<br>But without you I'll be miserable at best**

I boarded the plane; I couldn't wait to see him. He may not want to see me, but at least I'll get to see him. I can live without you, but I know that I'll never love again. It's just not possible for me to do so, not with you gone.

The plane finally landed and I'm on my way back home. I took a cab to our apartment, you hadn't moved in all these years.

Naruto POV

**You're all that I hoped to find  
>In every single way<br>And everything I would give  
>Is everything you couldn't take<br>Cause nothing feels like home,  
><strong>**You're a thousand miles away  
>And the hardest part of living<br>Is just taking breaths to stay**

Sasuke, that name haunts me, it haunts me every day. He left and never came back, he probably forgot about me. He's all I ever hoped for, I gave him everything and this is what I get in return? Since he moved to Japan this house hasn't felt like a home, not once in the four years he's been gone. No matter how hard I try, I'm not able to get over him. My best friend, Sai, is going through a really bad break-up with his boyfriend of six years. Maybe it's just another one of their on/off phases, but for the time being he's staying at my place. I think we're helping each other heal, day by day. It's just so hard to go on without Sasuke.

**Cause I know I'm good for something  
>I just haven't found it yet<br>And I need it**

Sai and I were sitting in the park, it was a great day out.

"Hey, Sai," I mumble.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think..." I pause. "Do you think that Sasuke will ever come back?"

"Who's to say? He's been gone for four years and hasn't tried to contact you at all," Sai glanced at me. "Look, it'll get better."

I laugh, a sad laugh, "Was I just not good enough for him?"

"Stop saying that!" Sai raised his voice. "When and if I ever see Sasuke, I will make sure that he knew exactly what he's been putting you through!"

"I just…ugh I don't want to talk about it anymore," I sighed.

"Well I think I know what'll cheer you up!" Sai exclaimed.

"And what is that?" I questioned.

"Gaara opened a nightclub! It's called Insomnia! And it's the grand opening tonight!" Sai was giddy with excitement.

"Well…" I paused. "I guess we can go."

"Yay!" Sai smiled.

**So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight  
>(I know he's there and)<br>You're probably hanging out and making eyes  
>(While across the room he stares)<br>I Bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor  
>And ask my boy to dance, he'll say yes<strong>

-At the nightclub-

We arrived at the club and walked in, I looked around.

"Sai…" I pause. "Is this a gay bar?"

Sai looked at me, "You could say that." I rolled my eyes. "C'mon let's go dance." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. "Just let everything go." I nodded in response.

We were dancing and occasionally grinding against each other with dancing, till be stopped and grabbed drinks. I think by the end of the night Sai was drunk off his ass and I was stuck dragging him home.

We finally got home and Sai stumbled up the stairs to the entrance. "Sai, c'mon let's get inside," I hope while half-carrying him.

"Mmm..'kay," he slurred. Yep, he was really drunk, oh well. I unlatched the door and stepped in. I saw that there was an extra pair of shoes, they must be Sai's and I never noticed. I noticed that the lights in the living room were on, I swear they were off when we left. Well, I can be forgetful sometimes.

"Sai, let's get you up to bed," I turned to the stairs, but paused when he started talking.

"Nooo, I don wanna," he whined. I laughed; he was entertaining when he was drunk.

"I'll get you some medicine for your headache in the morning, alright?" I smiled a small smile.

"Mmm..'kay. Thanks Naruto, I can't believe that the bastard Sasuke would leave you," Sai was slurring every word. "I hate him, I hope he never comes back."

My heart broke a little, "You don't mean it."

"I do, if he don come back then I get you all to myself," he leaned in and kissed me.

I pulled away, "Sai, you know how drunk you are?"

"Mmm," he replied. I rolled my eyes and started walking up to the guest bedroom that was once Sasuke's office. I laid Sai down on the bed and closed the door to go watch some television, and have a drink or two.

I walked into the living room to see the television already on, I took a drink of the beer in my hand and sat down on the couch.

"Since when did you drink?" a voice came, but it wasn't a stranger's voice. I knew this voice.

"Sasuke," I breathed. He walked around to sit on the chair in front of me.

"Answer me dobe."

**Because these words were never easier for me to say  
>Or him to second guess<br>But I guess  
>That I can live without you<br>But without you I'll be miserable at best**

"Why?" I was at loss for words.

"Why what?" he spat.

"Why are you here?" I stared at him.

"Because they opened up a new office here and I work there now," he explained.

"Oh," I continued to stare at him.

"Well I can see that you're getting by just fine without me," he scoffed.

"What do you mean?" I snapped.

"Well I can that you have moved on, good to know I spent those four fucking years terrified that I'd never come back!" Sasuke was almost yelling. "is this your way of showing mw how much you care? Huh? You're with some guy!"

"Sasuke!" I yelled. "It's not like that! He's my best friend!"

Sasuke gave a cold laugh, "Yeah, whatever."

"I swear, it's nothing like that! I have never been with anyone in the last four years! Why would you doubt me?" I was enraged.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that you're sleeping with him?" he mocked.

"God, why are you such a jerk?" I hated how he was messing with me.

"I'm not," he defended. "You know what?"

"What?" I challenged.

"I can see that I'm not wanted here," Sasuke stood up and walked over to his bags.

I watched him walk around the couch. "Where...where are you going?" Sasuke had slung a bag over his shoulder; he turned to look at me.

"Obviously not here."

I got up and stood in front of him. "No, don't go," I pleaded.

"What? So you can have both of us?" he sneered.

"What? No!" I shouted. "Why won't you believe me? Am I supposed to think that you didn't do anything while you were away?"

Sasuke looked shocked. "You honestly think I'd try and pull shit when I have you?" he shouted, enraged.

"Well what am I supposed to believe?" I shouted back.

"You know what? I don't fucking care anymore, I'm so sick of this bullshit," Sasuke picked up the last of his bags and walked out the door, but he paused when he grabbed the handle. "I thought I had a chance at happiness with you," he sighed. "Have a good life." He was choking the last of his words out. I was too stunned to say anything, so I just stood there and watched my life walk away.

When the door closed, my legs started going out from under me and I slid to the ground, tears spilling out of my eyes. "Why wouldn't he believe me?" I croaked out. I couldn't find the strength to walk upstairs, so I slept on the floor.

Sasuke POV

I wanted to slam the door shut as I walked out of it, but decided against it. Despite all my anger, I was just broken on the inside. I could feel the tears starting to water my eyes, but I held them back. I had to be stronger than this. I took out my phone to call my brother, Itachi, to come pick me up.

After waiting about fifteen minutes he finally arrived. We didn't speak during the car ride to his flat. He shut off the car and offered to help carry my bags to the guest room; I shook my head telling him that I could handle it. I walked into the flat, carrying my bags, when I was stopped.

"Ita-chan!" Deidara, his wife...errr husband, scolded. "How rude of you! Making your brother carry his own bags!"

"I offered to carry them," Itachi nonchalantly replied. Deidara huffed in response. Itachi showed me to the guest room. I thanked him and went to lay on the bed, hoping sleep claim me. Sleep was not kind to me, it would not let me rest. I laid weary in the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be, maybe I just wasn't good enough for him.

I hear pounding at the door, before I can speak Deidara comes into the room.

"Sasu-chan, you know you can talk to me."

"Nothings wrong," I whisper.

Deidara sighed in frustration, "Don't take me for a fool. I know you're hurting inside, I can see it in your eyes."

"Don't worry about it," I just wanted to be left alone. Deidara walked from the door to the bed and pulled me in for a hug.

"Sasu-chan," he rubbed my back. "I'm here for you. It's okay to cry, it doesn't deem you as weak."

I slowly wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. I could feel the tears slipping past my eyes. "Dei-chan, he...he left me for someone else," I choked out.

"He did what?" Deidara almost shrieked. I cringed back at the volume. "Who is the bastard?"

"I...I don't know," I said defeated. Deidara resumed rubbing circles on my back after he had stopped.

"I'm going to talk to Ita-chan about this," Deidara gave a final squeeze and go up to leave. "I'm sure things will get better." I only nodded in response.

**And this'll be the first time in a week  
>That I'll talk to you<br>And I can't speak  
>It's been three whole days since I've had sleep<br>Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek  
>And I got the point that I should leave you alone<br>But we both know that I'm not that strong and  
>I miss the lips that made me fly<strong>

Sleep still hasn't claimed me; it's been like this for three days. Every time I close my eyes, I see him you and I can't face my nightmares anymore. I know I have to let you go, but I can't.

"Sasu-chan," I hear Deidara open the door.

"Yeah?" I mumble.

"Ita-chan says that we need to get you out of the house, so I decided that we're going clubbing!" Deidara said with excitement.

"Dei-chan, I don't know if I want to..." trailed off.

"Well Ita-chan will drag you if you don't go willingly!" he threatened.

I huffed, " Fine, fine. Where are we going?"

"We're going to Insomnia! It's a new club that opened last week! Gaa-chan runs it," he smiled.

"Okay," I watched him walk away. I got up and shuffled over to the closet to pick out some clothes. I was looking for something to wear. I pulled out a black beater and dark royal blue skinny jeans. I dug through my belts and decided to go with the silver studded one. I laughed a bit when I put it on and looked into the mirror; I hadn't worn this kind of outfit in ages. I finally pulled on my black combat boots and put a bit of eyeliner on to complete my look. I then heard a knock at the door.

"Yeah?" I called.

"I'm coming in Sasuke," Itachi turned the knob and walked in. "Look you don't have to go, Deidara was just bitching about you not coming out of the room."

"No, it's fine. Dei-chan is probably right anyways," I grinned. Itachi nodded and said they'd be leaving in a few minutes; I grabbed my wallet and followed him out the door. We drove to the club and I could hear the dubstep that was pumping out of the speakers. I walked in, strobe lights were going off and different colored lights were roaming over bodies.

I walked over and sat at the bar, not ordering a drink though. I must have been there for at least half an hour until I saw _him_. I saw him walking into the club with that guy, my replacement, happily talking.

"Hey Gaara?" I called.

"Yeah?"

"I think I'll take that drink now."

"Really? But you never drink! He exclaimed.

"Special occasion," I sighed.

"For your return home?" he asked.

I sighed again, "No, just some shit happened between Naruto and me."

He leaned over the counter a bit more, "What happened?"

"He found someone else."

"Oh, you mean Sai?"

"Is that his name?"

"Yeah. Come to think of it, he just broke up with his boyfriend because he loved someone else. He just recently moved in with Naruto about four or five months ago..." Gaara continued to ramble.

"Fuck, why did I ever leave?" I whispered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Well here, let me offer you a gift; all of your drinks are on the house tonight. It's not much, but sometimes you have to drink to forget," he smiled.

"Alright, well let's start with some shots and we'll see where that goes," I laughed.

**So let's pretend like you're alone tonight  
>(I know he's there and)<br>You're probably hanging out and making eyes  
>(While across the room he stares)<br>I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor  
>And ask my boy to dance, he'll say yes<strong>

I think after one too many shots; I was not in my right of mind. I was blabbing random shit to Gaara too, who kept laughing his ass off, I honestly don't remember what I was saying. After a while I swiveled the bar stool around and saw Naruto dancing with Sai. I think the alcohol was affecting me and I had not control over it. Before I knew it, my legs were walking in Naruto's direction. He must have seen me because he stopped dancing and just stared. I smirked at him, or at least I think I did.

"Sasuke?" he breathed. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here with my brother and his wife," I laughed a bit. If Deidara ever heard me say that, I'd for sure be dead.

"Sasuke, we need to talk," Naruto walked over to me.

"About what?" I spat.

"Where we stand," he paused. "Let's go outside." I nodded and followed him out the door. The night air hit m bare skin and it was relaxing.

"Now, what do you need to say?" I asked.

"It can't be like this anymore, I don't want to live life like this," he confessed.

"Like what?" I asked.

"With all these lies that we've created, I know I'm not the only one hurting," his cerulean eyes locked onto my own midnight black ones.

"Look Naruto, I won't deny it, I hurt like hell but I just...I just don't know anymore. I...do you even know much abut Sai?" I challenged.

"What? Yes, I do," he defended.

"Oh? So you're telling that you knew that you're the reason he broke up with his boyfriend?"

"That's a lie!" he shouted.

"Why lie? I've got nothing left to defend," I gave a dry laugh.

Sasuke, don't let it be like this. Don't say we can't go on, I can't live without you," he choked up.

I looked him in the eyes, searching for something, anything that would make me doubt him. But all I saw was hurt and regret. Regret? For what? Part of me just didn't want to know because it was so tired of all the bullshit to care.

"Well this hurts me more than I can stand to say," I start. "But I guess that I can live without you." _'But without you I'll be miserable at best.'_ I silently added.

"No...no that's a lie and you know it!" he shouted.

"I don't know anymore Naruto, I just don't," I started to choke up. I couldn't take this anymore, I turned to walked away; away from my life, away from my dreams, away from Naruto. I could hear him crying as I walked away, but it was for the best, I had to go. Tears had started rolling down my cheeks. _'If leaving is so hard, then why am I doing it?'_ I asked myself.

**Because these words were never easier for me to say  
>Or him to second guess<br>But I guess  
>That I can live without you but<br>Without you I'll be miserable  
>And I can live without you but<br>Without you I'll be miserable  
>And I can live without you but<br>Without you I'll be miserable at best.**

THEND

* * *

><p>AN: Alright, so I've been thinking of writing a sequel to this using the song 'One Man Drinking Games' by Mayday Parade. I'd love to have your feedback on this story! Also, I'd like to know if I should write the sequel! Thanks for reading! ^^

-Maxx


End file.
